Weekend Parting Shot: Skipping the Culture Wars — and Star Wars

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers,

I will be absent from these pages for a week, as we are taking a bonafide vacation. Well, I am. Mrs. Brown will be teaching some classes, and I get to tag along, courtesy of a greatly reduced airfare. I need it. My writing has been suffering of late, and I’m feeling a little stagnant. A week of goofing off may be exactly what I need to recharge the batteries. 

I picked up a copy of “Eight Men Out,” which is the story of the Chicago Black Sox, to keep me occupied. And a little Kipling. I’ll think of all of you while sitting by a pool, pretending to read, with a mai-tai or scotch at my elbow — or possibly both. God gave me two elbows, after all. 

Star Wars is ruined (again)!

So the latest incarnation of Star Wars is out. Personally, I lost interest in the franchise after “Return of the Jedi.” There were no movies for years after that, and to be honest, once one discovers girls, that old model of an X-Wing fighter doesn’t have the allure it used to. But I know that for many, the franchise is a well-loved piece of their lives. 

With the arrival of “The Acolyte” comes the news stories that fans are furious, angry, and rage-quitting the Star Wars universe. Unless I am mistaken, didn’t they already do that? Or are there enough of them left who think Kathleen Kennedy will eventually get it right if she is given infinite chances? 

Our own John Del Arroz penned a column about Disney killing Star Wars with this latest outing. He noted that the creators injected the show with woke elements much the same way Big Agriculture injects hormones into beef and that the studio will launch another jihad against anyone who gives the new Star Wars a thumbs down. Okay, I may be summarizing the piece just a tad. John didn’t say anything about beef.

And what if Disney does “kill” Star Wars? It isn’t as if the original trilogy does not exist. For me, Star Wars ended with the Ewoks’ big musical number at the end of the last film. To be honest, that scene irked me, so I guess it ended when Luke Skywalker burned Darth Vader’s body. As the time-worn, somewhat silly saying goes, you can cry because it is over or smile because it happened. 

Better yet, you can look at the new generation of Star Wars offerings and laugh yourself into cardiac arrest:

As Krusty the Clown said:

Did they scribble out that script on the back of an In-N-Out Burger bag? 

And what was with that chant? It sounds like something Lia Thomas would have said right before he swam against Riley Gaines. Maybe when they said, “The power of many,” they were talking about pronouns. They might pull a muscle straining for the lesbian-Sith-girlboss vibe that hard.

That was either the Star Wars version of that camp where all the women go into the woods to scream and beat sticks on the ground like they just stepped out of the opening of “2001: A Space Odyssey,” or it was the annual joint session of the National Organization for Women and Planned Parenthood. It is June, so it could have been a Pride celebration. But I didn’t see enough weird-colored hair, piercings, or bare backsides, so probably not. 

Look, sports fans, I’ll tell you the same thing I said to the “Lord of the Rings” fans a few years back when Amazon started wrecking that franchise: you don’t have to watch it. Mock it if you want. Make a point of mocking it. What’s not to mock? Yes, Disney will call you all sorts of names, but it would have done that anyway. Watch that clip again. Can you really take Star Wars or Disney seriously at this point?

The producers are under the impression that they have brought equity or something to Star Wars. All they did was create a non-binary, Wiccan LARP fantasy with a bunch of women who apparently can’t figure out how to use Auto-Tune. Give yourself a good chuckle and pat Disney on the head. Then, settle in and watch your old DVDs and read the books. Maybe if we stop paying attention to these people, they’ll go away. 

Wine recommendation

Because in-flight wine is expensive, just like in airport bars. 

The last time we were out of town, I picked up an Idaho wine, the Ste. Chapelle Soft White.

This wine comes from the Snake River Valley. As the name indicates, it is on the soft and mellow side, but the combination of varietals adds a little acidity and zing to balance everything out. That said, you will want to chill your bottle down a little to bring out the best in it. This wine really won’t cut it at room temperature. Plus, it has a crisp edge, and cooling it down before opening the bottle will bring that out.

Most reviewers use the word “tropical” when talking about this wine. There is a strong citrus presence and some distinct floral notes to it. There are multiple fruit overlays, including citrus, green apple, and a little pear. Expect some melon and just a touch of coconut, or so they say. I found it a little too sweet for my taste, but the blend will definitely appeal to Chardonnay fans. Match it up with some poultry or a little fish, or if you want to serve a traditional fruit/cheese dessert, this wine will complement it nicely.

That’s it for me. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you next time, unless I decide not to come back, which should last until the scotch runs out.

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