Weddings are already a vibe. Add in a billionaire’s yacht, free-flowing champagne and a random foam party (are they still a thing?!) and you’ve got yourself a five-star flirting field.
And this Bezos-Sánchez blowout in Venice is shaping up to be a perfect storm bad decision and fantastic headlines – trust me, I’d know.
For when the world’s richest man says, ‘I do’, he doesn’t just throw a party, as the glorious paparazzi pics have shown, he throws a parade of the most eligible bachelors on Earth.
I can’t help but notice the guest list is a who’s who of single, successful, ridiculously good-looking men. Bezos, help a girl out and throw me an invite!
There’s no doubt that the three single K’s – Kim, Khloe and Kendall – will be on the prowl, alongside newly-single smokeshow actress Sara Foster. Heck even newslady Gayle King recently said she’s in the market for a young stud, so watch out contestants, I mean… ladies.
Alas, I’ll have to watch bacchanalia from afar, though while dying from FOMO but in the spirit of love (and mischief), I present: the official Bezos Wedding Hot Single Power Ranking, plus some cheeky tips for how to take down a stag.
I can’t help but notice the guest list is a who’s who of single, successful, ridiculously good-looking men. Bezos, help a girl out and throw me an invite!
There’s no doubt that the three single K’s – Kim, Khloe and Kendall – will be on the prowl, alongside newly-single smokeshow actress Sara Foster.
1. Tom Brady (47)
Retired football legend. Divorcee. Jawline so sharp it could cut the wedding cake. Tom’s been papped floating around Venice with recently unattached Orlando Bloom like they’re auditioning for Magic Mike: Euro Edition.
Tom’s single, smoldering, and probably wearing a tux that costs more than my rent.
Number one with a bullet.
2. Orlando Bloom (48)
Fresh off a rumored split from Katy Perry and living his best life on boats. I’ve always had a soft spot for Legolas and let’s be honest, anyone who once paddle-boarded nude in the open ocean has my full attention.
Have you seen the uncensored pics? The man is practically a tripod.
Orlando was spotted Thursday night in the back of a Venetian water taxi with his ex-fiancée’s stylist, Jamie Mizrahi, 36. Et tu, Jamie?
3. Leonardo DiCaprio (50)
Technically coupled up (for now), but Leo’s track record of party behavior speaks for itself. He’s the human equivalent of a bad decision you won’t regret… ever.
Ladies under 25 years old, this one’s for you. Be brazen.
Tom’s been papped floating around Venice with recently unattached Orlando Bloom like they’re auditioning for Magic Mike: Euro Edition.
Technically coupled up (for now), but Leo’s track record of party behavior speaks for itself. He’s the human equivalent of a bad decision you won’t regret… ever.
4. Tobey Maguire (49)
Understated and low-key hot. He’s the thinking-woman’s crumpet. Rumored to be there thanks to his Wolf Pack ties. (He’s been friends with DiCaprio for decades and they were once spotted wearing matching necklaces).
He gives me ‘quiet guy who’ll sneak off with you for a snog near the canal’ energy.
Whilst thanking you for paying him attention. Yes, please.
5. Bill Gates (69)
Don’t shoot me, I know he’s not technically the heartthrob type. But you know there’s a girl at that wedding who’s had a few martinis and decided, ‘You know what? I’m ready to be a philanthropist’s wife.’
So how does one seduce a billionaire-adjacent bachelor at a wedding? Well, it’s going to a little more than getting your friend to ‘accidentally’ push you towards him on the dance floor. These men are accustomed to women throwing themselves at their feet.
We’re going to have to get savvy….
Orlando was spotted Thursday night in the back of a Venetian water taxi with his ex-fiancée’s stylist, Jamie Mizrahi, 36. Et tu, Jamie?
Micro-Missions
Offer to help him locate the canapé station, the cigar terrace, or the nearest phone-charging port. Shared quests crank up intimacy in minutes.
We more readily form bonds with others when we experience multiple different environments together in a short time.
Psychologists call it progressive context bonding. Aka, the more places you go together, the more it feels like you’ve lived a whole rom-com – even if it’s just three rooms and two cocktails.
I’ve formerly tut-tutted this slightly manipulative tactic, but the stakes are big for this wedding. Go Hard, or Go Home.
Smart Compliments Only
Skip ‘nice suit.’ Try ‘I just read your sustainability initiative – impressive’ for Gates, or ‘Your Fox Sports commentary is actually making me like football’ for Brady.
Grab them by their ego. Oh men, such simple creatures.
The Dance-Floor Moment
Weddings reward movers.
One bold, confident twirl during the 90s throwback set is worth ten polite table chats.
Do some stretches in the bathroom and get your groove on.
When the world’s richest man says, ‘I do’, he doesn’t just throw a party, as the glorious paparazzi pics have shown, he throws a parade of the most eligible bachelors on Earth.
But ladies, no matter how sore your tootsies may be after a long wedding, keep those heels on.
Nothing says cheap like a woman flouncing on the dancefloor with bare feet.
The Transport Upgrade
Slip into his water-taxi group when everyone’s shuffling back to the after-party. (This Jamie Mizrahi is savvy).
You need to put yourself in a position for some one-on-one time so nab the seat next to him. By jumping in the same boat, you’ve given yourself a head start.
Wave and passively aggressively grin at the other women waiting at the dock. Bon voyage suckers. Boats + Prosecco + moonlit canals = instant bonding.
Exit with Purpose
End on a high: ‘I’m off to try Venetian pizza at 2am – join if you dare.’
An open invite feels low-pressure yet irresistible. Just because the weddings over, doesn’t mean the adventures have to be.
Be the black cat, not the golden retriever
At weddings, it’s easy to fall into golden retriever mode – bubbly, eager, basically begging for attention. But the real power move is to channel your inner black cat.
Glide in like you own the place, flash a flirty smile, then disappear before he gets too comfortable. Say hi, touch his arm, then vanish to talk to someone else.
Don’t orbit – hold court.
Speak slowly, pause like you’ve got secrets, and never overshare. Mystery is magnetic. Let him do the chasing while you sip champagne like it’s all beneath you.
Confidence is the real aphrodisiac, especially to powerful men. Lauren Sanchez is the perfect example of this. Look where it landed her.
