Miss Universe Is the Weirdest Thing You'll See All Week
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None of us actually watch the Miss Universe pageant, do we? I don’t. But I opened Twitter this morning, and the videos that greeted me had me scratching my head wondering: what is this bizarre display of weirdness and why is it part of a beauty contest? Is it a prank? A hoax? A troll? A joke?





But it’s real!

The Miss Universe pageant, which proclaims to find the most beautiful woman every year in the entire universe, but only has contestants from planet Earth (disappointing), has incorporated some kind of “dress like your country took a hit of acid and hired RuPaul to make your outfit” event. Maybe it’s because it’s being held in New Orleans. Is it “dress like a parade float?” I don’t know.

What even is this?

WINNERS

Some of them were better than others. This girl looks like Wonder Woman.

Miss Nepal stunned as Kali
Russian Royalty
Are you not entertained?





Glamorous Fish Wife?

I have to admit this is beautiful in a “went a little nuts with a Bedazzler” kind of way.

Um. What?

But then there were others that were less than impressive. Miss Ukraine was really playing it up with the whole Angel of War theme. (Eyeroll.) I’m surprised she didn’t stab Miss Russia with that sword.

Some of them looked like Victoria’s Secret runway costumes.
What in the hell is this? I can’t even guess.
Is that a cappuccino on her back?
Do they feel even a little dumb doing this?





Redefining “Ugly American”

But the real WTF moment came when Miss USA hobbled out on stage looking like she was going to topple over at any second. Attached to her, weirdly, was the moon. Apparently, someone making these costumes thinks America owns the moon. That’s…hilarious. But beyond the obvious insult this outfit is broadcasting — Suck it universe! The moon is ours! — this getup is so clunky that it looks like the moon’s axis is up her backside. And speaking of her backside, why is it bare? I didn’t see anyone else with her fanny hanging out. It does feel like America leads the world in clownery.


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