Stars get their acts together
New stuff. All sweet. Kindly. Take “Ghosted.” Adrien Brody, Amy Sedaris, Ana de Armas who says: “It’s an adventure. I’m a CIA agent doing dangerous missions questioning is this a life I really want.” Her agent says “Yes” . . . David Oyelowo, Rebecca Ferguson, uncommon Common in sci-fi murder mystery “Silo.” Set hundreds of years in the future where people live in toxic air and are also buried. Sweet bedtime show. Great for a weekend.
Melissa McCarthy’s in mixed-race “The Little Mermaid”: “I was nervous. Intimidated. A mermaid of color. Boyfriend white. We learn from how different we are.” Melissa plays an evil witch . . . “The Pirate Queen: A Forgotten Legend” has Lucy Liu as a woman pirate leader in the Qing Dynasty.
Mark Polish’s horror film “Murmur,” the dark underbelly through the eyes of a killer, springs from Apple’s groundbreaker pro AR/VR headset, an augmented/mixed reality technology which was filmed on iPhones. Apple CEO Tim Cook calls augmented reality “the future.” This movie’s already won awards. Hollywood Reporter calls it “a can’t miss film.” Yeah.
Wow-ee! Goodie! At this time in our happy-go-lucky lives, what’s better than a toy to substantiate horror.
Forget flash, crash and trash, we’re now talking cash. “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” director James Mangold says stop with the sofa, visiting the toilet, ordering a pizza and the dog barking, do the big screen, come to the cinema, see films (stabbings) on a grand scale.
Matches made in H’wood
Alessandra Conti’s “a certified celebrity matchmaker.” Which means what?
“High-profile VIP clients. Working professionals with great careers are challenged finding a partner. There’s isolation, public eye, hangers-on, can’t just do a dating app, loneliness, they’re busy, afraid talking to a stranger. One of our most beautiful famous women said no men approach her. So I started matchmaking 10 years ago in Beverly Hills, Calif.
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“Certification’s important. I have my bachelor’s degree. Global Love Institute certifies matchmakers and requires recertifying yearly. Over 10 years we’ve had only one divorce. Our team of seven matchmakers is one-on-one with celebrities. Even babies get named after us.
“From our big database we start with 10 picks. We plan the date. Book the place. Our team starts at $10,000. For me, with a big celebrity, $50,000. Men are easier. Women are crankier. They want a guy who dances, plays cards. Who sometimes actually knows what they’re looking for.”
If it doesn’t work, they get their money back?
“NO!”
Nabe necessities
Hell’s Kitchen pottery store: “Mud, Sweat & Tears.” East side pet care: “Groomingdales.” Fish and chips near Chelsea Market: “A Salt & Battery.” Queens booze joint: “City Sliquors.” East side tailor: “Piece Cleaners.” Brooklyn manicurist? “You’ve Got Nail.” Bakery? “Baguetteaboudit.” To get high go low. Bowery pot parlor has edibles, vaporizers, pre-rolls, tinctures. To pass a joint don’t pass this joint.
Forget all this bad stuff. You should just consider yourself grateful if you and your teeth still sleep in the same room.
Especially if you’re smiling only in New York, kids, only in New York.
