I’ve heard many people say, “The years are short, but the days are long,” and I get it now.
It seems like just yesterday I had my babies, but three of them are now officially adults and the baby of the family will be at the end of the year. How did the time go so fast? In the next few weeks, I will experience my second child’s college graduation, my third child’s high school prom and graduation, and then some other big life changes that I really didn’t expect to arrive so quickly.
How Do Parents Survive These Big Life Changes Without Losing Their Minds?
I have said this so many times in my children’s lives, but I’m going to say it again. When you’re pregnant, the world prepares you for childbirth and babies. But that’s as far as the preparations go. From the time they are no longer toddlers, you are literally left to figure it out on your own and hope you do things right.
So of course, when the end of your kids’ childhoods get here way faster than you ever expected, it creates lots of confusing emotions. You’re happy for their achievements and how amazing they are doing as new adults, but your job as you knew it for 18 years shifts into a different journey. That’s where I’m at right now and my emotions are all over the place.
The second week of May begins my emotional roller coaster ride. It begins with an academic award ceremony for my oldest son, JD, 20, and then a few days later, his college graduation. He went to a two-year college for carpentry and is graduating with straight A’s and some amazing skills that I’m sure will take him far in life. The same day JD graduates, my middle son, Ryder, 18, has his high school prom. It’s going to be a full day of emotions!
A few weeks after that, my youngest, Jesse, 17, takes his SAT’s for the first time. Then less than a week later, Ryder graduates high school. Then in July, JD is moving to Florida to be with his fiancé, and to start his adult life away from his parents. It’s one big event after the next. Happy for them? Absolutely! Sad for me? Just a little, to be perfectly honest. Their childhoods flew by so fast that I can’t even explain it. I truly feel like I blinked when they were toddlers and here we are.
I specifically remember an older woman in the grocery store way back when while I was shopping with my four kids in tow – wearing the baby, my oldest pushing my second oldest and my third child sitting in the cart – stop me to tell me to enjoy every minute because it goes so fast. She could tell I was stressed. Grocery shopping back then was probably the most stressful thing I had to do each week with four kids. But her words have stuck with me all this time, and when I think about it, makes me tear up a bit.
I’ve Asked Friends For Advice On This New Chapter
While I’ve had two kids already graduate high school and I seemingly survived without losing it, I still knew there were more to come so I wasn’t too stressed. But now that we are down to the wire with next June being my last baby graduating high school, it’s getting REAL!
I recently asked my friends on Facebook if they have any advice on how to handle all the swirling emotions and enjoy the exciting time and it seemed that many are in the same mindset I’m in. One of my friends, who’s oldest child is graduating in June with Ryder, said she hasn’t even begun to process it at all.
Another friend, whose son graduated high school in 2021 with JD, said that she still doesn’t know the answer to the “what now” question, and her son’s already been away at college for the past two years!
Another seasoned mom told me that a few weeks before her daughter’s high school graduation, she had a major meltdown. By the time graduation came around, she had already processed it all and was able to have a good time at her graduation and party.
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Then there’s my friend Missy. We met when I was pregnant with Jesse, shortly after I moved to this area. She has three kids – one Ryder’s age, one Jesse’s age and a 6-year-old. Her oldest, Spencer, is getting ready to graduate high school and then go off to the Marines, so she’s feeling every crazy emotion like I am.
“So my situation may be different from everyone else’s because Spencer has been homeschooled throughout his schooling and because of his choice post-graduation,” she said. “First off, he wants no part in a graduation ceremony, which I understand, because he has never gone to school, why would he want to process with hundreds of students he doesn’t know or be handed a diploma by an administrator he has never met. So, there will be no ceremony to spill my emotions.”
(Ryder and Spencer as babies in the photo below. They met at 6 months old and have been best friends ever since.)
Then after graduation, he’s off to boot camp for the Marine Corps. “He has already enlisted and has his ship date for boot camp. I do not know how I’m going to handle our goodbye,” she said. “I have to stay strong for him, because it will be hard enough without me losing it.”
Spencer will be gone for 13 weeks without being able to see or talk to his family so it’s going to be tough for everyone. Missy said she plans to just enjoy time with him now as much as she possibly can and soak in her oldest child for as long as she can. As for his time away, she plans to stay as busy as possible as to not dwell on the reality of the situation.
The Advice I’ve Picked Up Along The Way
The moral of the story is our time as parents to young children is way more limited than any of us ever thought.
For me at least, I knew this time was coming, but I didn’t want to focus on that. “If it can’t see me, I can’t see it”, kind of thought process. But clearly that’s not working so well at this point.
So, here’s the advice I will pass along to any parent in the same position:
Take in every second and enjoy it the best you can. Don’t dwell on the sadness of it, but rather focus on the happiness.
I choose to focus on the fact that I raised strong, intelligent, caring human beings who I know will succeed in life. I’m proud of them every second of every day, and while I’ll miss my full-time mom gig, I know I’ll always be mom and eventually, grandma.
And if all else fails, there’s alcohol.
