The parents of a young sports coach bludgeoned to death by her ex-boyfriend have delivered an impassioned warning about the dangers of failing to teach men to respect women.
Water polo coach Lilie James was killed when her ex-boyfriend Paul Thijssen bashed her over the head with a hammer at least 25 times in a bathroom at St Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney on October 25, 2023.
Speaking at an inquest into her death on Thursday, James’ devastated parents Peta and Jamie stressed the need for cultural change to prevent more women being killed.
”As parents, if we are not teaching our sons how to respect a woman’s opinions and choices and accept rejection, we could be setting our daughters up for failure,” James said through tears.
“In our case, a moment in time we will never recover from.”
They mourned the loss of their beautiful, independent and adventurous daughter who had a wicked sense of humour and a smile that could light up a room.
“Lilie, sweetpea, I am so sorry we couldn’t protect you from what happened that night,” Ms James said.
“The guilt that I feel will stay with us forever.”
Coroner Teresa O’Sullivan thanked the James family for their powerful presence throughout the inquest and said she was sure their participation would save lives.
James ended their casual two-month relationship five days before she was killed in the bathroom and Thijssen took his own life.
Domestic violence expert Anna Butler said patterns of coercive control were evident throughout their short relationship.
Thijssen was later found dead in Sydney’s eastern suburbs.
In her closing remarks, counsel assisting the coroner Jennifer Single SC agreed there was no prior indication he was going to take James’ life and end his own.
O’Sullivan will hand down her findings at a later date.
Support is available from the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service at 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).
