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Deborah Secco Net Worth
Dear Jane,
I recently proposed to the love of my life and we are over the moon – but we’ve run into a snag while planning our wedding.
You see, I am a bit older than she is – I am in my late 40s and she is in her early 30s – and I’ve already been married once before, so we have conflicting opinions on what our big day should be like.
Because I have already had the big fancy ceremony, reception and party, I hesitate to have another expensive soiree.
Not to mention, I’m self-conscious that all my friends and family attended my previous wedding.
So, I want a more intimate celebration of our love. But my fiancée, who has not been married before, wants to have a traditional bachelorette and wedding with 200 of our loved ones.
I’ve tried to tell her that I’d rather not spend the money a second time – all while imagining what people must be thinking about me getting married again – but she refuses to listen.
Is there a way to find a compromise or should I just go along with whatever she plans?
Sincerely,
Glum groom
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Glum groom,
Having been married before, you will know that all marriages require a tremendous amount of compromise and I applaud you for asking whether there is a way to find a compromise here.
Given the age difference, and the fact that your fiancée has never been married before, it is completely understandable that she wants to be the princess for her big day, with the wedding she may well have dreamed about since she was a little girl.
I understand how uncomfortable this is for you. But if you are able to put yourself in her shoes, especially in these times where weddings have become a huge industry, where women spend months, sometimes years, thinking about what their dream day will look like, you might have an easier time understanding why she wants to have such a big wedding.
And perhaps you can come from a place of love and understanding. Because, whilst this may not be what you want, this is something that she very much does.
She has never experienced all that you have and this is your opportunity to show how much you love her by letting her have her dream day.
As to what your friends and family will think, I’m guessing that, like most of us, a percentage of friends who were at your first wedding, may not be at your second.
I was recently having a discussion with friends, all of us astonished at how many people at our weddings we no longer see on a regular basis.
Whoever is still in your life will surely understand. And, traditionally, whether rightly or wrongly, weddings still tend to be mostly about the bride. The bride’s family pay for the wedding, and the bride is the one choosing wedding planners, flowers and of course the all-important dress.
There may be small compromises to be made, but I fully understand your fiancée’s wish to have a big, glorious day and your greatest act of love and support is to let her have it.
