Dear Vanessa,
I’m hoping you can help with a tough situation. My elderly dad owns a home but doesn’t have a will. He refuses to talk about what will happen after he’s gone, saying we can ‘deal with it’ then, and that it’s rude to talk about death now.
The problem is, I have two siblings, and we don’t get along. I’m worried that if dad dies without a will, things are going to get ugly. From what I know, if he passes without a will, the house and his belongings might not be split the way he would want. Worse, it could mean a long and expensive legal mess for us, with lots of arguments along the way.
How can I get him to see that sorting this out now will save us a lot of pain later? Any advice on how to make this go smoother would be a big help.
Thanks,
Ross
Send your questions to leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov at flourishingafter50@dailymail.com.au
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov (above) suggests that Ross should talk to his dad from the angle of respect. ‘He’s worked hard for what he has, and a will ensures that his legacy is handled the way he’d like’
Hi Ross,
Thanks for reaching out with this important question. I can understand why this situation is weighing on you – it’s tough when a parent doesn’t want to talk about these things, but having the conversation now can really save a lot of heartache and headaches later on.
First, it’s crucial for your dad to understand that without a will, things won’t just magically fall into place. In fact, the law will decide how his assets are divided, which might not reflect his wishes at all. Plus, any disagreements between you and your siblings could mean costly legal battles and strain on everyone involved.
I suggest you approach the topic with your dad gently, framing it to honour his wishes and make things easier for the whole family. You could mention that by having a will, he gets to decide what happens to his home and belongings, rather than leaving it up to chance. Maybe talk about it from the angle of respect – he’s worked hard for what he has, and a will ensures that his legacy is handled the way he’d like.
If he’s still reluctant, perhaps ask if he’d be willing to sit down with a neutral third party such as a financial adviser or an estate planner. Sometimes hearing about the risks and benefits from a professional can make a big difference. And, if possible, bring in a trusted family friend or relative who has gone through this process – they can explain the peace of mind that planning ahead brings.
Here is what my friend Harry Moustakas, who is a financial adviser and Director of Navigate Financial Group, has to say:
‘If your dad dies without a will, it is known as “intestate”, and you and your siblings are entitled to the whole of the estate in equal shares.
‘Given there is no will, this will be a longer and more difficult process and there may be other complications. For example, if one of your siblings dies before your dad, leaving children of their own, others may come out of the woodwork and make a claim on the estate. While a will potentially won’t solve everything and people can still challenge it, having one will go a long way in ensuring your dad’s wishes are met.
Harry Moustakas, financial adviser and Director of Navigate Financial Group, says Ross’s dad also needs to consider what happens to his house and belongings if he develops dementia or goes into care
‘I would seek first to get a deeper understanding of what your dad is thinking and feeling. Importantly, the other thing to consider and discuss with him is what happens if he develops dementia or needs to go into care. There needs to be consideration given to not just having a will, but an estate plan that incorporates an enduring power of attorney and enduring guardian and health directive documents.
‘Perhaps this is a better approach to start a conversation with him, as opposed to discussing his death – talking about his ongoing care and who will legally be able to make decisions. As part of this conversation, I would recommend he be encouraged to speak to a financial adviser or estate planner, to formulate a plan for his future. An independent professional can make the difference to help put a plan together and get the estate planning sorted.’
I wish you the best with this, Ross. Remember, you’re doing the right thing by encouraging your dad to plan.
Take care,
Vanessa.
