Dear Vanessa,
I’ve been divorced for three years and recently met a wonderful lady I’d like to ask to move in with me. I’m 58, own my home and have some savings, and this new relationship has brought a real spark back into my life. I’m excited about the future and the possibility of building something new together.
But here’s the problem – my adult children are far from thrilled. They’re worried my new partner might have her eye on my money and house rather than on me. Since she doesn’t own property, my kids think that by moving in, she’s setting herself up financially. They want me to get a prenuptial agreement if things get more serious to protect my assets, especially my home.
The thing is, I just don’t feel right asking her to sign something like that. It feels too transactional. In my mind, a prenuptial agreement takes away from the romance. But I don’t want to let my kids down either as they’re only looking out for me. What do you think I should do?
Jim
Send your questions to leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov at flourishingafter50@dailymail.com.au
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov (above)
Dear Jim,
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s wonderful to hear you’ve found love again – that spark, especially later in life, is precious, and it’s natural to want to embrace it fully.
Your children’s concerns are understandable. They want to see you happy but also want reassurance that you won’t risk your financial stability. In their minds, a prenuptial agreement is just a practical way to safeguard what you’ve worked hard for.
However, a prenuptial agreement can feel formal, even unromantic. One approach could be to openly discuss finances with your partner without directly mentioning a prenup. If she’s someone who truly cares for you, she’ll likely understand where your children are coming from.
Another option could be a cohabitation agreement, which outlines how assets would be handled if things end, without being tied to marriage. It’s often seen as less ‘loaded’ than a prenup and speaks to practical matters rather than implying any lack of trust.
You might also consider putting your assets in a trust or other arrangement that keeps them secure while still enabling you to share your life. This can respect your children’s wishes without imposing anything directly on your relationship.
If you’re still unsure, I strongly recommend seeing a financial adviser. I have a large network of independent advisers and would be happy to recommend someone in your area. You can connect with me to help find a trusted financial adviser here.
Ultimately, Jim, this is your life and happiness. A frank conversation with everyone involved might ease tensions and show them that your happiness matters, too.
Wishing you all the best in this exciting new chapter.
Vanessa.
