Dear Vanessa,
Three years ago, I bought a house jointly with my adult son. The idea was that we’d both live in it and share the costs – I thought it would give us both some security: him a start in the property market, and me a stable place to live as I got older.
At first, it worked. He paid his share, and we got along fine. But then he lost his job for a while, and I stepped in to cover the repayments. Now he’s working again, but he’s not contributing and every time I bring it up, there’s an excuse.
I’m nearly 60, and this arrangement feels more like a financial trap than a safety net. If I sell, I’d have to split the proceeds with him, and I don’t know where I’d go. I guess I thought I’d stay here until I moved into retirement living – but I didn’t expect to end up funding both our lives.
How do I protect my future without breaking my relationship with my son?
Jenny.
Hi Jenny,
You’re in a tough spot – and you’re not the first parent to end up here. Buying property with an adult child often starts with good intentions, but without clear boundaries, it can leave you financially stretched and emotionally stuck.
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov
It’s time for a direct and practical conversation with your son. Lay out the numbers – what you each contributed, who’s been paying since you bought the property, and how the mortgage and ownership are legally structured.
If both your names are on the title, you’re likely jointly liable for the loan, regardless of who’s making the repayments. That means you carry the risk if he defaults – and you’re both building equity, even if you’re the one paying. Arrangements like this can become serious financial headaches if they’re not formalised.
It’s worth getting independent advice to check your legal and financial position before making any decisions. You may want to explore refinancing into your name alone, formalising a repayment agreement, or seeing whether your son is able to take over the property himself. These aren’t easy conversations, but they’re necessary to protect your financial future.
You should also check if you’re on the best possible loan deal. Even a small difference in rates can save you thousands. You can use my free calculator here.
And if you feel like you need professional advice, I offer a free referral service to connect you with trusted financial experts.
Mixing family and money is never easy. But clear communication, fair boundaries, and practical steps now will help avoid bigger problems later – and protect both your relationship and your retirement.
Your son may not take this well at first as change is hard, especially when it challenges the status quo. But stick to your guns. You sound like a great mum who’s done everything to support him. Once the dust settles, I believe he’ll come around.
Choose you first.
Vanessa.
