Dear Jane,
I have three children — aged four, six, and 10 — and have been happily married for 12 years.
Until recently, my in-laws have lived across the country, meaning I’ve never had to deal with them in large doses.
However, my father-in-law recently passed away, and my husband’s mom has just moved in with us.
It’s only been a month since she arrived… and she has already wreaked total havoc.
For one, she makes snide comments about everything I do — from what I wear to the books I read.
But what is truly sending me over the edge is the way she is treating my kids.
My children have always followed a very strict diet — they don’t eat gluten, dairy or sugar, and everything has to be organic. My husband and I eat the same and we feel amazing.
I’ve never had any issues with enforcing these food rules because my kids don’t know any different.
I’ve always worked hard to find yummy alternatives whenever they have friends over for dinner or we’re out at restaurants.
But since my mother-in-law has moved in, she has ignored our diet entirely.
I find her regularly giving the kids sugary treats, ice cream, pizza — all of the bad stuff I’ve been keeping from them.
And ever since she started feeding them this junk, they’ve been hyper one second and having meltdowns and tantrums the next — the sugar is driving them insane. I often can’t get them to go to sleep at night because they are so riled up.
Worse, the kids are now starting to complain about my cooking and even the other day refused to eat their veggies.
I’ve tried asking her not to give them these bad foods, but she argues that she fed my husband all of it and he turned out ‘just fine’.
I’ve also tried asking my husband to speak to her about it — but apparently she tried to convince him that my food rules are ‘crazy’ and ‘too strict’.
I don’t know what else I can do here, I think I might need to kick her out of the house before she makes my children really sick.
From,
Sugar-free Mama
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Sugar-free Mama,
I once had a difficult mother-in-law, so trust me when I say I know exactly how you feel.
In fact, it was when my mother-in-law moved in with me and my former husband that it became clear our marriage would not survive.
She didn’t respect my boundaries and she treated my house as if it were her own. My husband didn’t say or do anything to stop her.
I can tell you from experience that a mother-in-law who regularly criticizes you and ignores your rules is not going to change.
And if your husband continues to choose his mother over you, your trust in him will crumble — and so will your marriage.
It is natural for your husband to feel torn by two women he loves, but the main consideration here should be your children.
Of course, if he sides with you, his mother will be upset. But if he sides with her, he will be jeopardizing not only your marriage but also your children’s health and happiness.
The only way forward is to find your mother-in-law a new home, and you have to be absolutely clear with your husband that this is what needs to happen.
Firmly tell him his mother is disrespectful of your rules and boundaries and, for that reason, she has to go.
No matter how much she is grieving the loss of her own partner, and regardless of how much your husband loves her, you are his wife. It is your house and your rules — especially when it comes to your children.
His mother can certainly move close by, but there needs to be a bit of distance.
