It was just another Friday and I was getting ready to go on a date with a guy I had been texting with for a few days. The date went well (actually surprisingly well compared to previous dates) and I was looking forward to seeing him again.
And then, right after the fifth date, something changed. “SURPRISE, SURPRISE!”
He no longer called me or texted me from time to time just to see how I was doing, and even when he did, everything seemed forced on his part. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what exactly was going on.
After some time his irregular calls were replaced by no calls at all. I sat next to my phone and thought about committing one of the biggest crimes when it comes to dating: texting him over and over like a ghost for the millionth time.
After much thought I had an epiphany:
I am guilty of one of the biggest dating mistakes known as trying too hard. (Okay, I’m also guilty of acting desperate.)
Are you guilty of making some of the biggest dating mistakes? It’s time to find out!
1. Playing unavailable games for too long
I used to think that playing hard to get was a guaranteed method of getting the attention of someone you like. I thought that playing unavailable games would let the other person know that I was not easily impressed by suitors and that I was a woman of high value.
Playing unavailable games is fine as long as it’s only for a short period of time and if you do it the right way (read: don’t overdo it). However, playing hard to get for too long is an absolute disaster and one of the biggest dating mistakes a person can make.
Are you asking why?
Because the other person will think that you were never interested in them and that you are just playing mind games. There are better ways to let others know that you are a woman/man of high value instead of playing unavailable games. One such example is setting your boundaries and sticking to them.
2. They try too hard
Are you always the first to call and text?
Are you always the one asking them out?
Do you feel like you have to try too hard to get their attention and show them how much you love them?
If you are trying too hard to win their affection, there is a reason behind this phenomenon. You may think that you are not worthy of love and that you have to work hard to earn it, which is often associated with childhood trauma and requires adequate therapy.
Or they’re not really interested in you and you think you’re going to try too hard to get them to change their mind. If this is the case for you, I have to tell you: You can never, and I mean NEVER, make someone care about you or fight for you by trying too hard.
Trying too hard to impress someone is associated with desperation and a lack of self-love. So instead of putting all your effort into making someone look like you, focus on falling in love with yourself and start attracting the right people.
3. Too demanding
your data is. If you date once or twice a month, then the dating process will be longer than usual. Here’s another valuable tip: Forget about those numbers and unwritten rules, but focus on how you feel about the person you’re dating.
Have you built an emotional connection? Do you trust them and vice versa? Do you feel like you’re ready to have sex with them, or are you afraid of doing it too soon?
These are the questions you should ask yourself before having sex with someone you like and see as a potential partner.
6. Ignoring red flags
When we like someone, we often ignore the red flags and make excuses for their behavior. We do it because we’re not willing to admit that they might not be that interested in us, or because we think we can change their minds.
Ignoring red flags has never done anyone any good and is the biggest dating mistake EVER. By ignoring the negative things that someone you’re dating has done, you’re actually doing yourself a disservice.
Read Related Also: Last minute study techniques
Some of the biggest dating red flags include the following:
• Second guessing your feelings for them (which happens for a reason)
• You are under pressure to get physical before you are ready
• Ghosting
• Manipulation and mind games
• Jealousy issues
• Peeling off plans etc.
Ignoring such and similar things will most likely result in heartache and a lot of sleepless nights. So do yourself a favor and listen to your gut.
7. Becoming official too quickly
As I stated in the previous sign, it takes time to get to know someone, so becoming official too quickly is something you should avoid. Generally, couples become official after 2-3 months of dating.
However, when it comes to dating I never suggest anyone to focus on numbers only. Some people will be ready to become official after 3 months of dating while others won’t, and that’s okay.
Keep in mind that it’s always better to wait longer than ruin things by labeling your relationship too soon in case you aren’t certain about it. It’s always better not to make a dating mistake than to make one, right?
8. Having unrealistic expectations
Our perspective on dating is greatly influenced by the media (movies, songs, magazines, etc.). For example, when we see some grand gestures in movies, we expect the same thing in reality.
Well, that’s how we enter the realm of ‘having unrealistic expectations’ of our potential partner. We think that they should behave the certain way, and if they don’t, they’re not the right person for us.
The media and reality are two different concepts and it’s high time we learn to differentiate between the two.
The media is trying to sell us the idea of what a perfect couple’s life should look like and the reality just reminds us of its unpredictability and the need for compromises, flexibility, and patience.
When you have unrealistic expectations, you become more prone to experiencing a syndrome called “single forever”.
9. Asking the wrong questions
What is your favorite color? What is your favorite movie?
If these two questions are the only questions you ask your potential dates, then you’re making another dating mistake called ‘asking the wrong questions’.
In order to get to know someone better, you need to ask them the right questions that will reveal their personality, intentions, their future plans, and so on. Knowing their favorite color doesn’t mean anything to you in the long run but knowing what they think about cheating may come in handy.
Focus on asking deep and thoughtful questions that don’t require one word replies but extensive replies that reflect their mindset and personality. Asking the right questions is a surefire way to build an emotional connection.
10. Comparing everyone to your former partner
Do you have this (unhealthy) tendency to compare everyone to your former partner? If yes, then you’re making a huge dating mistake.
Just because your current date doesn’t enjoy playing video games or texting sessions like your ex, this doesn’t mean that you should stop dating them. It takes time to fall in love with someone and comparing them to your former partner is a terrible approach when it comes to dating.
Actually, it means that you haven’t moved on and that’s why you look for your ex’s trademarks in others. If that is the case with you, then you should take a break from dating until you’re ready to meet people without the need to compare them to your ex. Follow:
