florida phoenix

The conspirator. (Ronald Woan)

By Diane Roberts

Taylor Swift hates America.

The evidence:

  1. She stays out too late, got nothing in her brain and goes on too many dates.
  2. She attacks our rugged individualism by funding food banks for no ’count poor people.
  3. She likes the Gay.
  4. She is unmarried. These “single and happy” types undermine our whole patriarchy — and where would we be without the patriarchy?
  5. She wants girls to have abortions. When our excellent Supreme Court threw out the Roe baby-killing thing, she re-twixxted a screed by Michelle Obama (who’s probably a man, anyway) and said, “I’m pro-choice, and I just can’t believe this is happening.”

She needs to get married.

  1. She has cats. (See unmarried above). Three cats named Benjamin, Olivia, and Meredith.

Congressman Matt Gaetz, who, I think you’ll agree is an expert on females, reminds us pro-choice cat ladies are “over-educated, under-loved” fat chicks who eat microwave dinners alone.

OK, she’s not fat, but you get the point.

  1. She endorsed Joe Biden in 2020.
  2. She told her fans they should register to vote.

Which they did, clearly helping to steal the election.

‘Not organic’

Taylor Swift practices mind control. Or worse.

God-fearing Georgia political operative Kandiss Taylor (no relation!) says she uses “witchcraft” on Our Youth: “Satan wants to use her now to elect Joe back into the White House to destroy what’s left of America.”

You know how she’s going to help destroy what’s left of America?

By corrupting the NFL.

She shows up at Kansas City games, decked out in Chiefs gear with an “87″ on it, hugging Travis Kelce’s mother for no good reason except maybe a score.

florida phoenixBlue-pill America thinks she’s actually dating Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce.

Please. This is such an obvious fake.

Stephen Miller, Pres. Donald Trump’s Special Envoy to the Undead, says the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce couple thing “is not organic.”

Fox News’ Jesse Watters also smells a rat. Like, how did some girl with a guitar and 279.4 million followers on Instagram suddenly “blow up like this?”

You have to admit it’s weird how she became instantly famous after only 16 years of chart-topping albums.

Watters has the answer: In 2020, “the Pentagon psychological operations unit floated turning Taylor Swift into an asset during a NATO meeting.”

Now it all makes sense.

Now we see what the Deep State is really up to.

The libs like to say Swift and her so-called “boyfriend” is “the stuff of high-school heterosexual fantasy.”

Give me a break. They’re White House operatives.

Not fooled

Floridian, Trump super-fan, and popular white supremacist Laura Loomer is not fooled, avowing that the Biden people “are going to use Taylor Swift as the poster child for their pro-abortion Get Out the Vote Campaign.”

Podcaster Mike Crispi isn’t fooled, either: “The NFL is totally RIGGED for the Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift, Mr. Pfizer (Travis Kelce). All to spread DEMOCRAT PROPAGANDA.”

The Baltimore Ravens were obviously in on the conspiracy, making sure they lost so the Chiefs would unexpectedly get to the Super Bowl for the fourth time in the last five years.

You know what’s going to happen at the Super Bowl? Crispi does: “Swift comes out at the halftime show and ‘endorses’ Joe Biden with Kelce at midfield.”

Then her eyes turn into red lasers and we see that she is, in fact, the Anti-Christ.

OAN’s Alison Steinberg is not fooled. Instead of focusing on Jesus like they’re supposed to, American kids “become obsessed with some grown man who gets paid millions of dollars every year to throw a ball around while promoting poison death shots and child slave labor through various brand deals and endorsements.”

Kelce’s a fifth columnist, a sleeper agent of doom, planted in pro-football to bring America down.

The guy got a COVID vaccination and actually bragged about it. He did a Pfizer commercial!

Worse, he did a Bud Light commercial.

Bud Light is woke LGBTQ beer. If a dude drinks too much of it, he’ll start wearing dresses.

Take a knee

Even more totally worse, he once took a knee on the sideline during Our National Anthem.

All those Marxist NFL fans go, “Oh, but Kelce is QB Patrick Mahomes’ favorite receiver. He’s got 53 touchdowns! He’s a winner!”

Yeah, but our freedoms matter almost as much as football, and Mahomes is also a BLM Soros bot America hater who helped pay for the Chiefs’ stadium to be open as a polling place on election day 2020.

If that’s not an attack on our values, I don’t know what it is.

Football used to be a studly sport, but it’s been taken over by leftists and girly-fied.

The White House has confiscated Kelce’s Man Card, and the Jezebel Swift has him by the jelly beans.

MAGA ’Merka must find a way to fight back against the Swift-Kelce psyops before it’s too late.

Maybe give Our Youth a better, sexier, cooler role model. Scott Greer, former Daily Caller columnist and proud white male has a suggestion: Lauren Boebert.

This is genius: Boebert became a mom at 17, loves guns, and looks hot in glasses.

Young girls will go wild!

MAGA influencers

And if that doesn’t work, well, as Trump-fave and super-righty broadcaster Jack Posobiec reminds us, MAGA ’Merka can provide its own celebrities: “We don’t have Taylor Swift on our side, but you know who we have? We have Kid Rock. We have Ted Nugent. We have influencers. We have all these people … .”

All right, here’s the play: We put on a concert at the same time as the Super Bowl. Kid Rock wastes a couple cases of Bud Light with an AR-15, then pisses on syringe full of COVID vaccine as back-up dancers Roseanne Barr, Scott Baio, and Jon Voight shake it.

Then headliners Jason Aldean and Ted Nugent come out and perform a duet about trucks, lynching, and sex with underage girls.

Real Americans will love every minute.

Hell, football is only a game.

diane roberts columnist Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.

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