Although he no longer represents the monarchy, Prince Harry has, on multiple occasions, offered a look inside royal life. Perhaps the best example is Spare, the Duke of Sussex’s 2023 memoir. In it, the Duke of Sussex described a royal life “essential” that can be boiled down to one word: distance. Ahead, what Harry said about keeping distance as a royal. Plus, how it continued behind the scenes.
Maintaining a ‘buffer zone’ is ‘essential’ to royal life, according to Harry
In Spare, which hit shelves in January 2023 and quickly became a bestseller, Harry described the “distance” royals maintained when interacting with members of the public.
“As a royal, you were always taught to maintain a buffer zone between you and the rest of creation,” the 39-year-old wrote (via Town & Country). “Even working a crowd you always kept a discreet distance between Yourself and Them.”
“Distance was right, distance was safe, distance was survival,” he explained. “Distance was an essential part of being royal, no less than standing on the balcony waving to the crowds outside Buckingham Palace, your family all around you.”
Meghan Markle, 42, quickly learned of the royal family’s “distance” shortly after she started dating Harry in 2016. She surprised Prince William, 41, with a hug, and later, Kate Middleton.
The distance, according to Harry, goes beyond the public. Any hugging or physical contact, especially among older royals, is practically forbidden.
“The older generation maintained a nearly zero-tolerance prohibition on all physical contact,” he wrote. “No hugs, no kisses, no pats. Now and then, maybe a light touching of cheeks…on special occasions.”
Harry recalled wanting to hug Queen Elizabeth II, his late grandmother, on multiple occasions but never acting on the desire. He also recalled being greeted by his brother, Prince William, and father, King Charles III, when he returned from a 2008 tour of Afghanistan.
“Willy hugged me,” Harry wrote. “I think I gave Pa a kiss on each cheek. He might also have…squeezed my shoulder? It would’ve appeared, to anyone at a distance, a normal family greeting and interaction, but for us it was a flamboyant, unprecedented demonstration of physical affection.”
Harry reminds himself to ‘smother’ Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet with ‘love and affection’
Outside of Spare, Harry discussed the lack of physical affection in much of his life and how he’s hoping to change it as a parent to Prince Archie, 5, and Princess Lilibet, 3, during a 2023 livestream.
“It leaves me in the position how as a father, I have two kids of my own, making sure that I smother them with love and affection,” Harry said, jokingly adding that he doesn’t “smother them to the point that they’re trying to get away.”
In Spare, Harry recalled never acting on the impulse to hug Queen Elizabeth II, his late grandmother, and his father touching him on the knee upon learning of Princess Diana’s death.
“But in the sense that I as a father feel a huge responsibility to ensure that I don’t pass on any traumas or negative experiences I’ve had,” he continued. “And that’s work, that’s putting in the work. And daily, being conscious of my behavior, of my reactions to both of my kids.”
“There are times when I catch myself in a moment when I should be smothering them with that love, and in that moment, I might not be, reminding myself [to],” Harry added. “I wouldn’t have been as aware of it had I not done the therapy and work that I’ve done.”
