CELEBRITIES’ ears would have been burning this week after Katherine Ryan brought her Battleaxe tour to the London Palladium.
The Canadian comic, hands down the funniest woman in stand-up, took aim at everyone from Jimmy Carr to disgraced rapper P-Diddy.
8
As Kath said: “Who knew P stood for paedo? He was hiding in plain sight all this time.”
No one escaped her acerbic wit and I was in stitches when I caught her show on Thursday night.
Giving a nod to my tale about Danny Jones and Maura Higgins’ drunken kiss at Universal’s Brit Awards after-party, Kath said: “I can’t turn on the news without Maura Higgins making out with someone’s husband.
“What am I supposed to do about that? I don’t blame Maura, by the way. She’s irresistible. Finally, the women of Ireland have outsourced their most valuable natural resource.
READ MORE ON KATHERINE RYAN
“I’d like to see Maura on Celebrity Traitors. Just Maura and married celebrity men.”
She also turned her attention to Tommy “I’m not a love rat even though we all know I’m a love rat” Fury and why Molly-Mae Hague took him back.
Kath said: “Molly-May is nice, and she’s a doting mother, and she built a multi-million dollar enterprise,” Kath told the crowd.
“And then I watched a walking f***ing haircut of a man make the decisions of someone who gets punched in the head professionally. Tommy is a liability. He’s very stupid.
“We were on a quiz show for charity, and for the winning point, they asked Tommy Fury to name a country that started with the letter H. And he said Hamsterdam.”
Dave Grohl also got a shout-out after he fathered a child behind his wife’s back, with Kath asking: “How is Dave having a secret baby when he looks like he sleeps in his car? “Someone will f*** a man who looks like a pirate with gout.”
Watch as Katherine Ryan takes a savage swipe at Danny Jones after he’s filmed in drunken kiss with Maura Higgins
8
8
My favourite joke, however, went to Kath’s take on The Duke of York, telling us: “Taylor Swift has been responsible for more sobbing teenagers than Prince Andrew.”
She went on to roast grim perverts and joked: “It never gets old, making fun of nonces. It’s a fun word, nonce. You take it for granted and that stops tonight.
“It sounds like a Michelin star restaurant. ‘Ooh, you’ve got to get a booking at nonce’.
“‘Try the aged venison fillet. Not too aged. Don’t worry . . . it is nonce, after all.’”
Just brilliant. If you fancy checking out the show, Kath has just added three more dates at the Palladium on May 1, 2 and 3 and continues to tour across the UK.
You’d be crazy to miss it.
Tyla spy rumour is Tutu much
8
8
TYLA pulls her socks up as she prepares for a busy summer.
She posed in this tiny tutu and heels for Nylon magazine, and revealed her fans are convinced she’s a spy.
Asked about the wildest rumour she’s heard about herself, she said: “I’m apparently a CIA agent. I’m an undercover agent in the Illuminati trying to divert people’s minds from the New World Order. That’s my favorite rumor.”
Tyla is in and out of the studio for her second album, but also has a run of gigs.
She is on a line-up of incredible rising female stars at All Points East Festival in London’s Victoria Park on August 23, when she joins rapper Doechii and Little Mix’s Jade as support acts for Raye.
Retro vid ‘Eds to Grimsville
8
ED SHEERAN picked some seriously grotty Nineties-style venues to hang out in for the filming of his video to song Old Phone.
He is waiting to release latest album Play and brought out new single Azizam last week.
But he kept things down market for locations on the vid to accompany follow-up track Old Phone.
My insiders told me: “Ed wanted to go old school for his new music video.
“They filmed it in Gloucester, a city in Massachusetts, and picked loads of rundown venues.
“Ed was seen filming in a grim hotel as well as the Cape Ann Lanes bowling alley and a local pub. He has gone for a really retro vibe for the video and it’s really nostalgic.
“The places they filmed were so rundown though, it was funny to see someone as rich and famous as Ed hanging out there.”
Ed is currently based at his massive estate in Suffolk but said this week he could see himself moving over to the US permanently, saying: “Nashville is my favourite city in the States and it’s always been my end goal to move to Nashville.”
It’s one of the best cities in the US, so I am not surprised Ed fancies a move.
Just another bad taste swipe
8
A DECADE ago, Justin Bieber was getting into trouble and making bad-taste jokes.
But if you thought he’d grown out of being a berk, think again.
In a strange post on Thursday night, Justin shared a screenshot of himself on a video call with Stevie Wonder, who is blind, and wrote: “This fool never sees my Facetimes.”
Justin then appeared to hit out at his former pal and stylist Ryan Good, with whom he co-founded fashion brand Drew House in 2018.
In a dig at his former colleagues there, he said: “If you’re rocking with me, the human Justin Bieber, don’t waste ur money on Drew House.”
Justin’s headed to Coachella this weekend with wife Hailey, so I’ve no doubt his harebrained antics will continue.
Suga rush of hits
By Howell Davies
NOT many acts can start a gig with five Top Ten tunes, but Sugababes whipped their fans into a frenzy when they did just that.
A curtain fell from the roof of the O2 to reveal them singing Overload, which still sounds as fresh now as it did when it came out 25 years ago.
And from there it was hit after hit, with Hole In The Head, In The Middle, Red Dress and Ugly.
Mutya Buena, Keisha Buchanan and Siobhan Donaghy harmonised on stage and strutted their stuff, with new single Jungle slotting right in with their back catalogue.
Unbelievably, it’s their first arena tour, and some more pop pizzazz to fill the room would have been very welcome.
But with a total of 14 Top 20 hits in their set, there was no chance of even the most casual fan going more than a few minutes without a singalong.
These ladies have proven themselves to be incredible live vocalists and with the songs to back it up, their show is an absolute joy.
Lew pub lock-in
8
LEWIS CAPALDI might have a sore head after enjoying a lock-in at The Dublin Castle.
The singer, who I’m told will be releasing new music soon, knocked back pints of lager with pals into the early hours at the North London boozer.
An onlooker told me: “Lewis was having a grand old time and had his mates in stitches.
“He arrived at The Dublin Castle after midnight and stayed until way past 3am. It was a proper wild lock-in.
“He was hanging out with a big group that included Georgie, the fiancée of Grian Chatten from Fontaines D.C. and some of her friends.”
