IF either Beyonce or Madonna pitched up to perform outside by back window – I probably wouldn’t open the curtains.
But naturally, I know I’m in the minority – as millions clamouring for tickets to see Bey perform on her forthcoming tour demonstrated.
8
8
The superstar will play five stadium dates in the UK this year, sparking an online melee as fans sought tickets for the gigs – but as ever with modern tours it’s not completely clear what you’re going to have to pay until you get there… if you’re lucky enough to reach the pay point at all.
And that’s where, sorry, I find myself starting a bit of a rant.
This isn’t just Beyonce, to be clear – Madonna unveiled tour plans last week and I felt exactly the same, but there has been a bee in my bonnet for a while.
Yesterday a friend found themselves at the front of the digital queue with a chance to buy tickets for Beyonce – and was offered £2400-a-shout VIP access.
What does this astonishing sum deliver… a decent seat, a couple of drinks and access to a marginally cleaner toilet.
For that sort of money, I want her to make me breakfast while singing Halo – better yet if she’s in the sparkly silver number from the promo posters, but I’m not picky.
Ticket prices for major tours have left this planet and are now soaring into a stratosphere which leaves ordinary fans well behind – meaning that when Bey writhes around the stage singing about life as a single woman in the hood, the only people who will see it are middle aged corporate bankers.
And that makes me sad.
Likewise, Madge’s tickets soar well into four figures for the top tiers – while a host of other A-listers including The Rolling Stones, Taylor Swift, Fleetwood Mac and Blur all charging astronomical sums as fans clamour for anything they can get in recent years.
Of course, stadium tours are expensive – and a big show comes at a substantial cost.
But Ed Sheeran honourably insisted on charging a flat fee for every ticket of his last stadium tour – ensuring a first-come-first-served policy which means every fan has the same opportunity to see their favourite star.
And while he hasn’t quite reached the dizzy heights of international superstardom that Beyonce and Madonna command, at least not yet, Tom Grennan has proven it’s totally possible to put on a great show while offering “cost of living ticket prices” in the region of £35.
He told me: “I just don’t want people to come to a gig and then worry about the rest of the month’s bills because the cost is so high – it’s supposed to be about having a good time and relaxing, forgetting your troubles, not adding to them.”
He’s spot on.
A night out for two to see Beyonce, grab a pizza and enjoy a few beers while you’re there – plus a cab fare home – could clearly soar into £1000 plus territory… and don’t even start me on the T-shirts.
It’s time the biggest names made sure their biggest fans had as much chance to see them perform as their wealthiest fans… before live music becomes exclusively a rich folks’ night out.
RUDD CUT
PAUL RUDD looked in good shape at the premiere of Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania in Sydney – but he isn’t best pleased with the film.
For after a strict gym regime ahead of the movie, his only topless scene was cut.
8
He said: “On one hand, I was annoyed because I put in a year’s worth of hard work.
“On the other, if I had to look at myself shirtless in a Marvel movie, I would just want to make fun of it in every single way.
“Ultimately the movie was running long, and the scene wasn’t essential.”
But it turns out a fit bod runs in the Rudd family.
Paul, whose parents are from the UK, told Men’s Health magazine: “My grandfather would tour all over London as ‘The Strongest Man in England.’
“He and my uncles would travel around and wrestle.”
DOJA’S BACK
DOJA CAT has promised the follow-up to her 2021 album Planet Her is on the way – with more rap.
The Say So singer said: “I’ve done a lot of pink and soft things, a lot of pop and glittery sounds, but for this next era, I’m going in a more masculine direction.”
Asked if she will also tour, she told Variety: “I don’t know. But I do want to make sure everything I’m doing right now in terms of recording is solidified before I make any decisions.
“The baby hasn’t been born yet.”
Niall ‘too nice’ on TV Voice
GIVEN he rose to fame after auditioning on The X Factor, you might think Niall Horan was an ideal fit as a judge on a TV talent show.
But he admits he struggles to criticise and say no to contestants in his new role on the panel of The Voice USA.
8
Niall was mauled by Simon Cowell, Katy Perry, Louis Walsh and Cheryl while auditioning on The X Factor in 2010 before winning over the judges to land a place in One Direction.
Chatting on Twitter, Niall said: “It’s really hard. Decisions are tough. I struggle big time.”
Read Related Also: An EU Parliamentarian Puts Canada to Shame
He added of his new role: “I love it. I can’t wait for you to see the show. The talent is insane.”
He has joined Kelly Clarkson, Chance the Rapper and Blake Shelton as coaches on the series which airs from next month.
Fans will also be glad to hear Niall’s new single Heaven, the first from his third album, is out on February 17.
RITA’S WEDDING CRASH
RITA ORA’s wedding goes horribly wrong in the video to her new single You Only Love Me.
But it looked like she was ready to repeat that fate when she wore this garish pink dress and veil to appear on the chat show Jimmy Kimmel Live! during a trip to the States.
8
8
The song, which she performed in this outfit, is about finding The One in her Hollywood director husband Taika Waititi.
Rita showed off her engagement ring for the first time During her appearance on the show and it features a giant ten carat emerald.
She told Jimmy she picked it, rather than letting her man decide.
Rita explained: “When you know what you want, and I really knew that I wanted to be with this person, I just wanted it to feel really right.
“So I may have taken him to the shop and I may have pointed out exactly what ring I wanted.”
Cher hard to believe
The Cher Show @ New Wimbledon Theatre, London
By Howell Davies
8
WITH a distinctive voice, striking appearance and complex life, it’s no mean feat to play Cher convincingly on stage.
That was overly apparent when ten minutes into The Cher Show, I thought it was doomed.
The three actresses – yes three, playing the star at various points of her life – sounded more like Mike Myers in Wayne’s World or Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.
It didn’t help that none of them looked similar to her either.
But suspend your disbelief for a couple of hours and this show is a good laugh.
The impressive staging takes you back in time and Cher’s music is given a whole new lease of life.
It’s camp, funny and will leave you with a smile. Just don’t expect it to match the levels of the superstar herself.
★★★☆☆
No End
ROB MADGE’s hit show My Son’s A Queer has just returned to the West End for a second time.
Hilarious and heartwarming, it was massively popular at the Edinburgh Fringe last year and will run until March 18 at the Ambassadors Theatre.
MIKE BUM LIFT
IT wouldn’t be my idea of a good time but I imagine I may be about to reveal the dream job for millions of women around the world.
I’ve learned that make-up artists on Magic Mike’s Last Dance, the third film in the series, had to spend 20 minutes each day rubbing products on to Hollywood hunk Channing Tatum’s bare bum to cover a scar.
8
Channing, who strips off and stars alongside Salma Hayek in the movie which hits cinemas on Friday next week, needed concealer and powder to hide the blemish from a bite he suffered while filming the 2022 movie Dog.
An insider said: “Channing is actually quite proud of that scar because of how much the film Dog meant to him.
“But for Magic Mike 3 it was a case of keeping his assets looking as visually pleasing as possible.
“A make-up team had to make sure that the concealer covered his canine teeth marks.
“But the team also had to ensure that his skin was smooth. It was a proper 20- minute job working on his bum.”
While the American actor already has a body carved from the Gods, he made sure to maintain his muscles through intense workouts to be “in the best shape of his entire life”.
Fans lusting over the actor may have to give up the dream though, as Channing has been dating actress Zoe Kravitz since 2021.
Having said that, for anyone looking to get a taste of the action, Magic Mike Live, at the Theatre At The Hippodrome Casino in London’s Leicester Square, left my reporters hot under the collar this week.
!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s){if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod?
n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)};if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;
n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version=’2.0′;n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;
t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window,
document,’script’,’
fbq(‘init’, ‘752905198150451’);
fbq(‘track’, “PageView”);
