When Diana Smillie, 34, became an aesthetician in 2007, she heard a colleague discussing another type of clientele: the deceased.
“It sounded so interesting, so I always kept it in the back of my mind,” said the New Rochelle, NY, resident.
She later discovered that licensing was required. So, in 2010, Smillie pursued an associate degree at the American Academy McAllister Institute of Funeral Service in Times Square. She did a required residency and passed a national board exam as well as state licensing for New York — and hasn’t looked back since.
Smillie was hired at Sisto & Paino funeral home in New Rochelle, where she met her husband, a funeral director. As spouses and co-workers, they find that having a supportive partner who understands the role is helpful.
“You have to work holidays,” said Smillie. “People die 24/7.”
Smillie, who is now a funeral manager, has a diverse job with responsibilities ranging from collecting the deceased and meeting with families to embalming, restorative work, makeup and hairdressing on the deceased. She also sets up the chapel, drives the hearse and coordinates with cemeteries and places of service.
For Smillie, the role is rewarding. “It was a calling — I can’t imagine doing anything else. I enjoy making the person look good for their family and know how important that is for them to have one last moment where they can see their loved one looking peaceful.”
Every day is different. “You can have a few days where you’re doing nothing. Then, all of the sudden, six people will die within two hours, and it’s insanity,” she explained.
Flexibility and responsiveness are key, along with a strong disposition — funeral workers are hands-on with dead bodies and must be prepared for tragic situations.
However, the field is recession-proof and offers job security and expansion. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Outlook Handbook, the industry’s projected growth is faster than average, with an annual median salary of $74,000 for funeral home managers.
Requirements encompass specialized education (typically earning an associate degree in funeral or mortuary sciences from an accredited institution), completing a residency and passing the national exam and state licensing — followed by continuing education credits to maintain licensing. Most graduates take the national board exam — it’s recognized by all states, but isn’t mandatory in every one.
Robert C. Smith III is the executive director of the American Board of Funeral Service Education, the national academic accreditation agency for college and university programs in funeral service and mortuary science education, based out of Woodbury Heights, NJ. He said accredited schools must cover the appropriate curriculum including “embalming, funeral directing, funeral service law, ethics and some sociology, psychology and counseling.”
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“When we hear from students, one of the first things we say is, ‘Have you talked to funeral directors? Have you really done your homework to find out what kind of tasks you’ll be expected to perform, or is it a perception that you have, that this is what you want to do?’” said Smith, who saw an uptick in 2021 enrollment. “We emphasize you have to get that understanding. It’s not an occupation or profession that’s for everybody. [It requires] people that have the right skill set, the right mindset, the ability to deal with people in an effective manner, to be compassionate, to be empathetic — that’s absolutely crucial.”
Education and licensing are ultimately critical to advancing, but so are flexing empathy chops and maintaining your own wellness. It’s critical to preserve mental health both on and off the clock while keeping professionalism intact at work.
Licensed clinical psychologist Yesel Yoon, Ph.D., who has a private practice on the Upper West Side, recommends funeral workers use rituals — such as taking a walk — to mark the end of each workday, so you don’t bring grief home with you, and to maintain professionalism with empathy without becoming mentally drained.
“These rituals provide that sense of closure as well as affording us just a little extra bit of time between your work hours and the time you can pivot to your home life,” Yoon said.
“Make sure you are not isolated and are finding supportive people who can normalize and support the work you do.”
William Villanova, 52, has been president of the Frank E. Campbell Funeral Chapel since 2018. Founded in 1898, the NYC funerary institution is headquartered in a 17,000-square-foot space on the Upper East Side.
According to him, funeral directors need to be willing to help, often providing a shoulder to cry on.
“They understand exactly what they need to provide the family, but they don’t become a mourner,” he said. “Sometimes you think about it afterward, and you do get a little choked up. There are times when there are services for untimely deaths and you cannot help but feel that. Or maybe you go home at night, and you look at your family and say, ‘I’m so blessed.’”
Villanova came into the industry more than 30 years ago through a connection with his godfather, who owned two funeral homes. Working part-time after school, weekends and other days off, he started cutting the lawns, trimming hedges and parking cars.
Similar to Smillie, he pursued his mortuary science degree at McAllister and worked his way up in the industry.
Ultimately, Villanova believes that prioritizing the families using your services is the key to succeeding in this high-touch role.
“This is a profession that is very unique,” he said. “On our crest, the Latin underneath says ne obliviscaris — never forget. That’s the dialogue with new employees. Never forget this is our sacred obligation. This family coming through the door today has never experienced this before. We have the ability to make a difference in this family’s life today. We are devoted to the sacred obligation with dignity, honor and respect.”
