SO Tom Cruise and new girlfriend Ana de Armas are now “official”.
Photographs of the couple holding hands last month quickly went viral and, with them, surfaced those rumours and jokes.
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One long-running gag, for instance, gives a nod to the fact that for YEARS, one of Hollywood’s biggest movie stars has been dogged by rumours he is gay.
There is a meme that features a photo of Tom’s ex-wife Katie Holmes with the caption: “And here’s a picture of Tom Cruise’s beard.”
That’s a slang term for women used to decorate the arms of homosexual men. No matter who is on his arm: how young, how pretty, how successful, how utterly beardless, fans still seem to think Tom has a secret penchant for fellas.
Perhaps he does like the male form, perhaps he doesn’t — and good for him either way.
But one thing I do know is that the Mission Impossible hunk is NOT lying when he says he loves the ladies.
He won’t be springing from a rainbow closet any time soon.
I inadvertently met Tom just hours before his Italian wedding to Ms Holmes, and saw first-hand how truly in love the couple were. No amount of acting training could fake what I saw when the cameras were off.
There were no paps around, no autograph-hunters — this, after all, was November 2006, several years before the selfie became “a thing”.
Hoping for scandal
So it was just me, Tom and Katie, Jennifer Lopez and her then-partner Marc Anthony and, er, my German pal Martin, a housemate.
I was staying in the same plush five-star Hassler hotel as the happy couple, who were preparing for their extravagant nuptials.
Tom Cruise and Ana de Armas: Hollywood’s New Power Couple Goes Public
They had booked out the whole of the top floor, which contained their suite, and, annoyingly, the hotel gym I was intent on using.
I barged in — I, too, was a paying guest (well, my company was) — and I, too, had endorphins to be chased. Katie was on the treadmill, Tom had just finished up and I blundered in, shoved my headphones on and did my own thing. Katie didn’t say a word and sweetly let me sweat around her.
For context, for the past 36 hours, broadcast trucks and fans had been camped outside the city, waiting for a glimpse of this Hollywood golden couple.
Their every move was monitored and reported on. People were OBSESSED (Not least because, following his 11-year marriage to first wife Nicole Kidman — with whom he had two adopted children — people STILL felt Tom simply hadn’t met the right man.)
That evening, the night before the duo’s nuptials at the Odescalchi Castle in Bracciano — other celebs attending included David and Victoria Beckham, Will Smith and Jim Carrey — the couple and their inner circle were enjoying drinks in the hotel bar.
The Press pack was hovering metres away; the world’s media (news- papers, magazine and TV reporters) crammed in, parasitically watching the group’s every move from about 20 yards away, hoping for some scandal.
Or, at the very least, a drunken snog. At around midnight, Tom and Katie made a big show of theatrically yawning and calling it a day. The dimly lit bar rapidly thinned out and the couple hopped in the lift to go back to their suite.
The Press pack, mindful they’d be up in five hours to cover the biggest showbiz event of the year, duly trotted off to their respective hotels to sleep, too.
Which is exactly what I wanted to do. Until a furious Martin pointed out he’d flown 1,200 miles to visit me in Rome and the very least I could do is go for a romantic stroll with him around one of Europe’s most beautiful cities.
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Seething, I agreed. So off we walked, me passive-aggressively huffing the entire way.
We decided to race up the Spanish Steps so, crouched in a sprinter position — Martin was a 200m track athlete — we yelled, “On your marks, get set . . .”
Just before we hit, “Go”, something caught our eye at the top of the Steps. “Something” being Tom Cruise, hand in hand with his beloved. They were joined by J-Lo and superstar singer Marc.
It was, by now, gone 1am and there was absolutely no-one around except us. “Just run!” I side-mouthed to Martin, and off we pounded, running up those bloody steep steps.
At which stage, two not-so-small bodyguards appeared from nowhere watching the two crazies sprinting towards their four clients, worth an estimated £700million between them.
They started to approach a 6ft 3in Martin, who froze in shock, while I carried on and triumphantly smacked the back wall in victory.
I inadvertently met Tom hours before his Italian wedding to Ms Holmes, and saw first-hand how in love they were. No amount of acting could fake what I saw when the cameras were off
“She smoked you, man!” Tom said, high-fiving me as he looked at my loser friend pityingly.
“She smoked you!” “Yes, I did, I did!,” I panted back, desperate to keep a conversation with Tom Cruise going. What a scoop, I thought, as the six of us congregated together, overlooking the city.
Wait till my editor hears about this!!!! The four of them were holding hands. They assumed we, too, were a couple on a romantic middle-of-the-night stroll.
Too ashamed to admit I was a journalist being paid to cover the big day, I grabbed Martin’s sweaty hand and nodded along. “Just go with it,” I hissed at the poor bloke.
The six of us made the most surreal small talk imaginable for the next five or ten minutes.
‘All-action hero’
I just remember J-Lo being super-friendly and beautiful, and Tom being incredibly nice, funny and down-to-earth. Tom and Katie were clearly in love. They had in-jokes and were incredibly tactile.
This wasn’t a fauxmance. I have seen enough in my time to know the difference — this was an excited couple wanting to spend the rest of their lives together.
At this point, Martin started gesticulating towards the Nikon in his back pocket. Had this been 2025, I would, of course, have insisted on a group selfie.
Instead, I couldn’t bring myself to make a fuss, and we eventually parted ways and watched as they walked back down the steps and through the city.
Alone, they walked through the famous shopping district with its designer boutiques. Tom put a loving arm around Katie, whilst J-Lo, my new pal, and Marc held hands.
‘She smoked you,man!’ Tom said, high-fiving me as he looked at my loser friend. ‘She smoked you!’ ‘Yes, I did, I did!’ I panted, desperate to keep conversation with Tom Cruise going
The two bodyguards kept a respectful distance and, for the next 60 minutes, they secretly wandered around the nooks and crannies of Rome, enjoying the sort of peace and quiet so rarely afforded to celebs. Not one person saw them.
How blissfully refreshing, how magically, prosaically human, it must have been. Martin, using his new snazzy long lens camera, managed to snap the foursome. He was desperate to sell the pictures, begged me to submit them and get him a nice pay-day.
I refused. I felt too guilty. They had been so nice, so kind, so normal to us. More than that, they had trusted us. I imagined Katie Holmes waking up to see herself pictured on her last walk of freedom, and feeling betrayed by the lovely touristy couple they’d met.
Doubtless, if my old editor reads this, he would be furious. But my conscience is clean and, for a few wonderful minutes, I was part of a cool Hollywood gang.
It was fun, it was special and the serotonin bouncing around between those two couples was undeniable.
Here, though, for the first time ever, are a few of those (slightly blurry) pictures — found on Martin’s old floppy disc and sent for publication in this newspaper. (Everyone has moved on and my conscience remains unpricked.)
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So, while perhaps not conclusive in a LGBTQ+ Court of Law, Tom is not #G4P — gay for pay, as the kids say. His love for Katie was real.
Since then, the 5ft 7in actor — previously married to actress Mimi Rogers — has been linked to a string of screen beauties including Hayley Atwell, Sofia Vergara and Penelope Cruz.
But they were never, ever papped snogging, again fuelling rumours.
It should not, and does not, matter who shares Tom’s bed. That is his business.
But showbusiness is also his business and his role as an all-action hero who saves the burning building and gets the girl has always been at the cornerstone of his carefully controlled image.
I went on to interview Tom at the premiere of one of his movies and I can say he is one of the good guys.
Straight, gay, bisexual — who cares? I wish him every happiness with his new love Ana.
