HOLLY Hagan has revealed she was so overwhelmed after giving birth, she was terrified of going to bed at night.
The Geordie Shore star, 32, welcomed her son Alpha-Jax, now two, with footballer hubby Jacob Blyth, but says the early days of motherhood left her in tears every evening.
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Speaking on her new CBeebies Parenting Helpline podcast with BBC Radio 1 DJ Charlie Hedges, Holly opened up about the unexpected emotional toll of becoming a mum.
She confessed: “I wish somebody had warned me about the baby blues, because oh my God, that hormone drop once I got home from hospital — I was crying for no reason.
“It would get to 6pm, 7pm and I’d just burst into tears. I was scared of going to bed, I didn’t want to be alone.”
The reality TV favourite added: “It was very strange, but thankfully that passed after a week or so. But nobody warned me. I wish someone had spoken to me about that. It wasn’t fun.”
And it wasn’t just the hormones keeping Holly up at night — she was plagued with anxiety over Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and found herself obsessively checking on Alpha-Jax.
Geordie Shore star Holly Hagan cruelly mum shamed as she shares toddler’s
“I worried about febrile seizures and all these things you don’t really hear about until you have social media,” she admitted.
“It’s great for advice but it also shows you loads of terrifying stuff.
“I thought SIDS was really common. I was absolutely terrified thinking one day he might just stop breathing. I even used an Owlet sock that tracked his breathing, oxygen and heart rate because I’m such an anxious person.”
Holly also opened up about the challenges of parenting a “high-temperament” child and said it’s taken her two whole years to feel like she’s finally cracked motherhood.
“I’ve made no secret that it’s been a difficult journey with him since he was about four months old,” she said.
“I’m finally getting into the swing of it, but it’s taken a long time. Motherhood completely turns your life upside down.”
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