So What Happened When the Coconut Queen Stepped Up to Sing?
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Welp. Yesterday was the day, my friends.

The oh, so eagerly awaited day that the former Vice President of the United States, Kamala ‘Coconut Queen’ Harris shredded the protective fiber layers of the vegan cocoon she and Dougie had wrapped themselves in since her stunning, spectacular – and ever-so-gratifying – November flameout, and reclaimed her rightful station as the face of the Democrat Party, presumptive 2028 front-runner, and all-around chica-in-charge.





She’s had six months to get rested and ready to tumble back into the rough world of politics – although there have been some bumps along the way…like Dougie getting booted just yesterday from his last-minute appointment to a coveted Holocaust Memorial Museum Board seat.

President Donald Trump has ousted former second gentleman Doug Emhoff from the Holocaust Memorial Museum Council, just three months into what is typically a five-year term as a board member.

Emhoff, who was appointed by then-President Joe Biden in January, announced his removal from the board in a statement Tuesday in which he suggested the move was political.

“Holocaust remembrance and education should never be politicized,” Emhoff said. “To turn one of the worst atrocities in history into a wedge issue is dangerous — and it dishonors the memory of six million Jews murdered by Nazis that this museum was created to preserve.”

At least it was political and not personal.

Kamala was scheduled to reintroduce herself in familiar and eminently friendly environs – in San Francisco, at the 20th anniversary Emerge Gala. It’s an organization that supports women in politics, I am reliably informed. 

In any event, everyone was agog at the thought of once again beholding the Word Salad Wonder striding across a stage to a podium, opening her mouth, perhaps cackling insanely for a precious moment or two – oh, such memories that brings back – and then saying…God only knows what.

On Trump’s 101st day in office.

Part of the plan for this big event was, I guess, to be a fundraiser. One could have been a part of this memorable occasion by plunking down a measly $25 to stream it.





I’m not sure they did a good job getting the word out about such a rare opportunity, as takers seemed to be few and far between.

I’m sure someone out there is still joyful. I’ll bet they just didn’t know.

Anyhoo, from the second the Coconut Queen missed her cue to walk out, she didn’t disappoint.

AND DOUGIE’S HERE, TOO!

Aw. She had me at that first, nasal af ‘Hello.’ 

You, too?

Then Kamala got into the meat of it – banging away on Trump – because, after all, wasn’t she supposed to be in that chair right now?

Yeah. It’s chaos out there.

JUDGES JAILED! UNIVERSITIES PERSECUTED!





And…elephants! Physically and metaphorically, as deep thinkers do.

That anecdote in anyone else’s hands would have been golden, you know?

Harris ended with a rousing authoritarian version of This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land. When a progressive says ‘our land’ they’re talking about owning yours, too.

Six months on hiatus, and she can only puke up sixteen whopping minutes for a ‘major’ speech. That was it.

Yeah, she’s so ‘back.’

NOT

Miller ripped her a new one this morning when asked what he thought. You’d think journalists would learn not to do that to themselves – ask and get put through an eviscerating humiliation on camera. 

Then again, if they did, we wouldn’t get these delicious Millerisms, so I’m delighted they’re into self-flagellation.

The CNN numbers guru wasn’t helping Kamala’s dreams come true, either, however fractured they were to begin with.





Tragically for her social media exposure plans, all of X completely ignored the Coconut Queen’s debut in favor of…OMG.

There’s such a thing as an insult to injury, but there are times when an injury calls for a bed in a triage unit.

I think she should probably take another six months off.

We’ll just sit over here and appreciate the hell outta dodging that coconut.

BAH DAH BAHBAH BAHDAH BAHDAH BAHDAH