Pet ownership is the joy of my life — plus it’s easier than housebreaking a husband

Under a pawsitive influence

Gorgeous giant black schnauzer Monty — named Top Dog at Westminster’s 149th show earlier this month. At Madison Square Garden, it was 2,500 dogs — 200 different breeds.

Most more temperamental than Kamala. Plus endless news photos of this 5-year-old Best in Show winner from Connecticut.

Animal lover me has served on ASPCA’s board, created dog shows every December for the Blessing of the Animals — 700 creatures leading their human parents — at Park and 60th’s Christ Church.

Maybe I’ve been around so long that if you take an enlargement of “The Last Supper,” I’m probably the server. But I’m telling you the joys of owning a four-legged live-in.

First, if you’re in Albany and need a friend — a spaniel, Chihuahua or Great Dane is your best shot. Prefer your mother-in-law? That’s your problem.

Difficulties? Yeah. You have to housebreak the boy dog. First, toilet training. Just like you do your husband.

Then — like that same husband — keep him on a tight leash. Just throw him a bone periodically, plus — once in awhile — you have to let him out on his own.

I do Yorkshire terriers. I live in New York. Born in New York, bred in New York, work in New York. So with me it’s Yorkies.

My first was 2 pounds, 2 ounces. Name, Jazzy. He was the size of a rat’s ass. Despite nervousness at having my own first dog, I quickly felt a warm feeling come over me. The newest member of my family had peed on me.

Since either the dog or me was still dribbling, someone ran for newspaper. The New York Post was open to my page.

My new dog took one look at my photo on the page and this 2-pounder made a quick decision. He poured all over me. It was probably his opinion.

Now, 25 years later, it’s another Yorkshire terrier. Name’s Jellybean. Always the letter “J” because my mom was Jessica, my husband Joey.

With a quarter of a century gone, it’s now aches and pains. Jellybean, now 5, his bed has become my chest. I put my hand on him so if I change position he won’t tumble off. I try not to move.

Result? My fingers freeze in one position. And to unlock those knees as the hours tick away is to remove that little hollow which had become his bunk.

Do I love these pups? Yes. Insanely. Once I took Jazzy to church. The soloist was off-key. So Jazzy jumped off my lap and took himself down the aisle toward the exit.

Thank God he’s low-slung. I lunged after him. Worshippers who saw it thought my hairpiece had fallen off.

Among those who can’t live without their dogs are Jennifer Aniston, Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, Kylie Jenner, Chrissy Teigen, Selena Gomez.

A very famous lady’s work has taken her temporarily to LA. She normally lives in the East with her husband and family who remain here. I asked how’s she doing and she said: “I can’t stand it. I miss my dog.”

And that’s not only in New York, kids, not only in New York.

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